Tuesday, September 14, 2010


First of all, thank you so much to the 150+ people who viewed by first blog; now I for one know that I have very opinionated friends and didn’t see any comments. I have already realized that this is something that I will enjoy doing and would like to eventually take it to a much larger scale. I am on a journey to change my life and know that you all have been through something that has helped you and may help me. Last week my goal was to start making better choices; I succeeded 60% of the time. To me certain things simply go together - a burger goes with fries (maybe chips), a sandwich and chips, etc. A sandwich and a salad I can’t quite get there, it seems unnatural to me. Which now that I think about it is probably part of the reason why I am where I am now. I realize you have to re-train your mind because after you have done something for so long you instinctively do something without even thinking. This week I realize it is important to plan…breakfast, lunch and dinner. I’m not a big breakfast eater, but I’ll try to do a Slim fast. And I’ll also attempt to take this insulin religiously (5 finger sticks, 5 shots)!!!! Insert every expletive you know here!!!!!! I would love to have surgery which is I know is also only the beginning, but $15 grand I do not have. Through this journey I believe the 12 steps apply:

The 12 Steps

1. We admitted we were powerless over our addiction—that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs

Research shows that committing your goals to paper gives you a higher chance of reaching them. So now I am committing my first goal to lose 30 pounds (baby steps). I am reminded of a concert I attended a couple of weeks ago, my cousin and my sis and her friend are all dressed up with high heels and the works!? I sometimes feel like the tag along, while I feel that I dress well and look nice, where does the fat chick fit into that equation. I don’t want to continue to be the fat chick with the cute face. I refuse to feel lesser of the woman I am because of the size of my waist. I refuse to continue to feel that I am not good enough for the man that I love because of the size of my waist. I refuse to settle and DAMN IT, I will not be wearing ELASTIC WAIST PANTS!!!!

Quote of the Day: It’s never what the situation is; it’s ALWAYS what you make of the situation. (revrunwisdom)


Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Humpty Dumpty

 We all remember the old nursery rhymes.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the King's horses, And all the King's men

Couldn't put Humpty together again!

Humpty Dumpty was a term used in fifteenth century England describing someone who was obese. I can’t say why I have chosen to align myself with Humpty Dumpty; he is the first to come to mind for this blog. Maybe because I know I am broken and need to be put back together again. Yes, I do know Humpty is not real, except for the humpty dance!!! As long as I can remember I have always been a big girl, always confident, cool, calm and well liked. I have never had a problem with self-esteem, until now. I finally looked in the mirror and did not like what I saw. My life has become a series of health related issues mainly diabetes which affects every inch of my body. I currently take 5 injections of insulin per day on top of the 4-5 needle sticks in my finger, which still make me cringe. My eyesight changes a couple of times a year, my cuts are slow to heal, at times I may be ready to go out but my body decides to shut down. Don’t get me wrong GOD has blessed my life beyond measure. He is doing miraculous things in my life right now and we will take this weight loss journey together. Even at the tender age of 36 (whew, wipes brow), I want to see my son grow up; see the man he will become. I want to publish a book, the one I started in high school, I want to continue to advocate for emancipated youth and victims of sexual assault. To make it shorter I want it all and this body is getting in the way. I have to remind myself that it’s not too late for me, the task will be long, the journey difficult.

You may ask, why a blog? A blog - to hold me accountable; to have the support of friends, family and strangers; to share my life, my successes and my failures! I need you; this is the beginning of a very long journey.

I feel I may need the support of a weight loss program also, what do you suggest…Weight Watchers, Fat Smash or the Biggest Loser diet, what do you think? What vitamins or supplements?

Will you support me on my journey to become fine as wine and thicka than a snicka? :)

taken from: www.rhymes.org.uk/humpty_dumpty.htm